During a working session with one of my clients recently, I was struck at one exchange we had. We were discussing the details of an engagement. I referenced a comment one of my client’s colleague had made. In an instant, I watched my client’s disposition completely change from an engaged posture to one that was very defensive. The change in disposition was so significant I was concerned the whole working session would become a lost cause. This would not be good for me or my client.
Self-Preservation
To work through this, we had to spend time understanding the degree to which my client’s self-preservation was triggering his fierce reaction. One key tool I use with clients is a simple self-preservation assessment:
What are you trying to hide?
Often, we don’t realize that there are underlying insecurities that affect our judgment. These affect our ability to be successful and relate well. In my client’s case, he was trying to hide the fact the he is accountable for his team’s performance. This was true whether or not he was directly involved in their activities. Trying to absolve himself of any personal responsibility for his team did not reflect well on him. He acted as if success is based on his ability to lead. But failure is only a result of the poor performance of those around him.
Breaking Through the Wall
Once we realize the underlying self-preservation that we’re using to protect ourselves, we can break through that wall (see above). Then we can find appropriate remedies to a problem. It takes personal courage to admit when we are in a state of self-preservation. However, the freedom we experience when we break through that wall is quite liberating. We can actually work on core issues and solutions rather than symptoms and reactions.
If the idea of breaking through the wall of self-preservation is freeing for you, I’d love to invite you to Leadercast Denver on Friday, May 10th. The theme “Leading Healthy Teams” will be addressed by some amazing speakers in a variety of fields. You could find the inspiration to tackle some of the areas that hinder your leadership and effectiveness and dramatically improve your influence on those around you. If you are wrestling with an issue of self-preservation and would like to work through it, I’d be happy to buy you a cup of coffee and process it with you. Contact me here.
Stephen is a Senior Consultant with GiANT Worldwide. He is also the President of Coram Deo Solutions, a firm dedicated to serving impact investors, philanthropists, and funders through effective evaluation and leadership development.
He spent 20 years working in higher education, research, and private foundation settings. Stephen has a proven track record building systems and evaluation programs to advance the mission of organizations and works with executives and sr. leaders to strategically build their organizations.
Stephen currently lives in the Denver, CO area.
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